Click on picture to enlarge.Emails from Kirsten and Naoto
September 2002
Date: Sun, 1 Sep 2002 05:18:52 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: Crop Circles and Halfs (I mean doubles)
Dear Friends and Family:
Yes, it is finally September. No, the heat is not really letting up. Our electricity bill this month promises to be quite the scary viewing experience.
Mia is chugging along all over the floor now. She is into biting our table, door frames, or basically any other splintery wood type thing. She is going through a "I won't eat unless you are eating" stage as well, despite her history as a good eater.
Crop Circles:
Well, autumn means rice harvest. B.O.L.s (you'll remember that means bonnetted old ladies) and straw-hatted farmers are out in droves harvesting the early-ripening variety. (Koshi hikari) I was hoping I would get to see some old-fashioned, scythe-wielding action, but it looks like everyone has a tractor thing that picks the rice stalks, cuts of the rice part, puts it into bags, and then shoots the stalk out the back. It is cool to watch.
However, the most interesting thing to me is that random parts of rice fields appear to have all the rice plants smushed or fallen over in strange patters. Take the rice paddy next door to our house. Right in the middle of the paddy is a circular shaped area where all the rice plants are fallen over. The rice plants in the rest of the field are fine. The rice paddy next to it is completely fine. I can see no earthly reason for the damage. (there are no large mammals here, no deer, etc to blame.)
My theory is that space ships like to land in rice paddys. :)
There is even a vaguely spaceship-shaped one on the rice paddy across from our local liquor store.
Halfs (I mean doubles):
My daughter is a half (I mean double). Children who have one parent Japanese and one parent who is a foriegner are routinely called "half" in Japan. I never really thought about the connotations of that word (or the cultural assumptions inherent in it) until I actually had one myself. Now I see some merit in referring to my own offspring as a "double" instead of a "half." Mia isn't "half-american", she is american. But she is also Japanese. I see those two parts of her not as opposed, but as complementary. Mia will have two faces she can show the world.
The racism is deeply buried within me, however. I inadvertantly call Mia a "half" when I mean to get in the habit of calling her a "double." I see other doubles on tv and can't help but be fascinated to see them speaking perfect Japanese, covering their mouths when they laugh, or exhibit other Japanese cultural mannerisms. I am fascinated because it is so strange to see non-japanese faces do those things. Yet, my fascination reveals my own cultural assumptions about what is "Japanese". I don't want people to be fascinated in this way with Mia. I don't want them to say "Oh, your Japanese is so good," "Oh you use chopsticks so well."
Sigh. I can't ever choose the easy way, can I? I think Naoto and I have a big job cut out for us trying to bring Mia up as a cultural and linguistic double. I am more than certain now, however, that deciding to pass Mia's school years in the States is a good choice. At least there Mia will be surrounded by halves, thirds, quarters, sixteenths, etc.
Because some of you asked, here is a picture of Naoto with his new haircut. He is gutting fish he just caught.
love and light,
kirsten
p.s. New story alert! "Remembering Canaan" at Peridot books. http://www.peridotbooks.com/
This is a story related to Altzheimer's that I wrote quite a long time ago. It just recently found a home. :)
A little taste:
"Anxiety had taken over Lara`s chest. As always, memories of her grandfather clustered around her anxiety like tattered remains of ghosts. When would she escape his shadow? Wasn`t it enough that she bore his name, did she have to bear the burden of his life as well? A scrap of memory, one of Canaan`s haunted folksongs, tore loose from its granite prison in Lara`s brain.
Whose strange little house is this? It's a god's house."
===== Take a stroll through THE MOSSY GLEN the fiction page of K. Bird Lincoln at http://www.geocities.com/kblincoln/mossyglen.html
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Date: Tue, 10 Sep 2002 02:35:55 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: Scary Half (I mean Double) Talk
Dear Friends and Family:
I have to face facts. Summer vacation is over. The students are back in town; clogging up traffic with their oversized SUV's (ridiculous on roads meant for single vehicles and annoying when stuck behind tractors), making the lines in the supermarket longer, and, worst of all, forcing me to wear pantyhose again at work!
Classes don't start until the 24th, but somehow, I've been sucked into various things like tutoring a writing student, editing the school English newspaper, teaching an extension class for elementary school teachers, etc etc that will make me busy until classes actually do start.
Mia decided that she was going to grow up during the month of August. Right after my mother left, she learned to crawl, got six teeth, pulled herself up to standing using furniture, waved bye bye, and other super tricks. No one at school is going to recognize her anymore!
Naoto's long streak of good mood ended a few days ago when the Oakland A's 20 game winning streak came to an end. However, he says they have started winning again and it's okay. Now he is complaining because he can't watch football. I caught him trying to teach Mia the Miguel Tejada drumbeat the other day. Poor Mia. She's doomed.
Scary Half (I mean Double) Talk
I am part of an online community composed of foreign women married to men. It's called Married in Japan, and it is composed of short termers like me as well as long term Japanophiles.
The most recent topics have included wedding presents, dealing with Mothers-in-law, visa problems, and bullying in schools. The last topic I have been following avidly, as you might imagine. It seems that out of 85 people who responded to a poll on this list, over half of the mothers report their double Japanese/Other children experiencing bullying directly related to their race. 50% is too high an average for me.
One mother said, "My son doesn't have problems now. But he says elementary and middle school were like hell for him." Another mother reported having to go to the police in order to force a school to admit there was bullying going on after her son came home FOR THE SECOND TIME with a head injury.
Have I said recently that I do not regret the decision to leave Japan before Mia reaches kindergarten age?
I realize that people experience bullying for various reasons in all countries. I wasn't exactly "bullied" in elementary school, but I was a weird one who felt the disapproval of my peers. It wasn't fun at all. But I grew out of it. You can't grow out of your race.
I do not look down on the parents of double children who choose to send them through Japanese schools. On the contrary, I respect them for taking the hard row. I guess I am not as brave. I don't want my daughter to be the person who forcibly integrates or raises the consciousness of her class. (hmmm, I've heard that before from african-american friends) I don't want Mia to either wear her Doubleness like armor or try to hide it with hair dye or whatever.
In California, mixed race was assumed. Here it is still a thing to remark over.
Of course it doesn't have to be bad. When people see Naoto and Mia and I taking a walk, they always remark over and over again how cute Mia is, how big her eyes are (perceived caucasian trait) how cute her nose is (perceived caucasian trait). (whether her eyes are really all that big or her nose either is a matter of dispute) Naoto says that people don't talk about Mia's cuteness as often if I am not there.
And, I have to admit I have used Mia's cuteness to get the sympathy of the office people at the university, as well as get sweet potatoes from local farmers.
My father has a friend with double children who I guess are older than me. My father's friend always said he wanted his children to be "a bridge across the Pacific." One day, the son of my father's friend said to him, "but dad, sometimes bridges get burned."
I don't want Mia to get burned. I think she has a better chance of growing up whole in the States, no matter what racial problems she might encounter there.
Kirsten
P.S. a picture of Mia and Naoto against the veritable jungle that has grown up next to our house in a vacant lot.
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Date: Wed, 11 Sep 2002 17:33:19 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: regarding September 11th
Dear Friends and Family:
It is Thursday the 12th, 9:00 a.m. in Japan right now.
The morning news is full of live broadcasts from Ground Zero in New York. The commentators are dissecting Bush and America`s foreign policy.
I just wanted to say that I am proud to be a patriotic citizen of the United States of America. I would never want to be born anywhere else in this day and age.
However, I am not proud of Bush`s policies nor the military response we made to September 11th. I am probably in a small minority (although, who knows, I don`t know what the feeling in the United States is right now) that wishes Bush would stop. Maybe it`s my Quaker college influence, maybe it`s the fact that I am married to a Japanese man and can never think about the world only from America`s viewpoint anymore.
I never thought bombing another country was the just or right answer to September 11th. I am saddened that the world I live in is a place where innocent people die. I am afraid that my family or friends might be affected. The Japanese media interviewed a woman at the Pittsburgh site this morning. She said, "I am so sad that all these innocent people died for no reason." Then she looked at the camera and her eyes became a little less human. "America needs to get revenge."
I wonder if she realized the connection between her first and second statement?
Thank you for reading my diatribe. I hope this day passes for you in relative peace.
Kirsten
Date: Tue, 17 Sep 2002 03:42:50 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: Some funny Japanese? English? and Money Troubles
Dear Friends and Family:
Mia climbed up a step by herself today. She also waved goodbye on cue (okay, so she also waved goodbye twenty times before we actually left, but who's counting?).
She also ate rotini for the first time today. (I like to celebrate the small things)
School starts for real next week. The highlights of my semester include me instituting a "secret partner" journaling in my writing class, as well as the ambitious project of having my students write and design webpages in English. We'll see how that goes!
We went to Costco in Kaihin Makuhari yesterday. Naoto was thrilled to see they finally had tortilla chips and Salsa. The poor man was spoiled living in California all this time! My treat was two giant containers of Kirkland Cran-Raspberry juice. No Cranberry juice in regular grocery stores in Japan. Strange the things you start to miss.
Oops, this message got a little long. Feel free to skim.
Some Funny Japanese? English?
Here's a story about what I did yesterday.
I woke up and turned off the alarm on my Sweet Bean Paste Man alarm clock (An Pan Man). I plugged in my hotpot. When the water was done, I put milk into my Kellog's Brown rice flakes, stirred Creap (creamer) into my Blendy (coffee) and sat down at the kotatsu to watch the morning news.
Naoto took me to school in our Honda Life (actually we have a Toyota Cynos, but Honda Life was funnier). On the way we stopped at the Sunkus (convenient store) where I picked up some Pocari Sweat (drink) and Poo Poo Chocolate for a snack later at school.
Oh yes, and I dressed Mia in her "Primitive Street, Prankish Kids" shirt (with dinosaur picture)this morning.
Money Troubles
Japanese save alot more than their American counterparts. Why is this?
Well for one thing, most people don't use credit cards. For that matter, most places (including Costco) do not accept major credit cards. This causes naoto and I some problems when we go out shopping for major things, or try to buy airplane tickets. How many of you paid for the entire ticket all at once with cashier's check the last time you flew across the pacific? Let me tell you, that's a serious hunk of cash to lay out all at once. It's not something easily figured into our monthly budget.
Secondly, most people's salaries are paid on the "bonus" system. That means they get a standard salary every month. Then, in the summer and around New Year's, they get a "bonus" of about 2 to 3 times their usual monthly salary. It's a kind of forced savings plan.
Japan was doing real well there for a while. People had big chunks of cash in summer and winter to buy new cars and stereos and to travel with. But what do you do if you are not a salaried worker? What do you do if you are a "flitter"? (a phenomenon in recent years that means you work at a series of non-career jobs and just play play play, often referring to high school graduates who decided to work instead of go to college, my brother-in-law was a flitter for 8 years)
For the unsalaried, there are all these loan companies springing up everywhere. (what can you do if you can't pay with a credit card and you don't have bonuses?)
During primetime t.v. last night, I counted three different companies advertising their services. These are the legitimate big three. There are many, many less reputable, more "loan sharkey" type places with Yakuza connections and all that.
One of the commercials I have been seeing for the last ten years in Japan. The whole commercial consists of scantily clad young women doing an aerobics-type dance a la television show Living Color flygirls. Then the name of the loan company flashes on the screen. The other commercial that caught my attention was a series of happy-go-lucky young people doing service jobs. They sing about what they want and then a nice, young thing in a pink uniform talks to them on the phone. The slogan for this one is "What should I do? Aifuru?" (name of the company).
They are smart advertisers. They are targeting the right population. Young men and women just out of college, raised by parents who worked hard to give them everything they desired. These young women and men have grown up locked into a study prison to get through the right schools.
Now, their rewards are to look for jobs in a tight economy. These are the people who are ripe for the picking. They don't have the work ethic of their parents, nor do they have the same prospects for job security. Many of them don't even want to work in the traditional salary man job that meant they saw their fathers only for a few hours on Sundays.
Although people say Japan's bubble has burst, I wonder if there isn't a generation gap between those who feel the effects? I don't see my university students hurting for money all that much. I see high school students walking around with Gucci handbags and expensive digital camera cell phones all the time.
It makes me rethink my ideas about money and raising children.
love and light,
Kirsten
P.S. The photo is Naoto and Mia sitting with Hideki and Elli. Hideki is the husband of my Earlham College friend, Susan, and Elli, is of course, their daughter. When we went out this weekend together, we got comments about how much Mia and Elli resemble each other. Of course they do! They are both doubles: Tokyo Suburbanite and Vowel-State Midwesterner (Susan's from Indiana)
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Date: Mon, 23 Sep 2002 04:46:50 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: J-Pop and A flan by any other name...
Dear Friends and Family:
Naoto spent all day Saturday at a basketball tournament. Naoto was the second oldest guy there. The rest were college aged. He was so proud that he could play 3 games in one day at the ripe old age of 33. (I told him he wasn't quite over the hill yet at 33)
One word describes his playing style: Wombat. Wombats are marsupials from Australia. They are about the size of a pig and are herbivorous. They have to watch out for predators. However, if you corner one in its den, it goes in head first, leaving its large posterior hanging out. You may laugh, but Wombat's butts have been known to crush foxes and tasmanian devils. They have very tough butts.
Now, Naoto isn't as tall as the other guys on the team, and he isn't as fast or as accurate. Can you guess where his strength lies?
I am so proud of my husband (and his rear end).
First day of school tommorow.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
J-pop
A couple of things are interesting about Japanese pop music. First of all, I can't think of one famous band that doesn't have an English/French name. Here are some of the most famous:
Smap, L'arc en ciel, Judy and Mary, Morning Musume, Mr. Children, Gray, V6, Winds, Kinki Kids, Ragfair, Chemistry, Da Pump and Speed
(Musume in Morning Musume means "daughter" in japanese, "kinki" is an area name in Japan, don't ask me what "smap" means...)
Another interesting thing about Japanese pop is that it is dominated by two kinds of bands: young, beautiful girls (many under the age of 16)who sing together (no harmony) and do cool dances. The other kind of band is young, beautiful guys (many under the age of 16) who sing together (no harmony) and do cool dances.
Truly, the boy and girl bands are hard to differentiate sometimes. There is a cultural view of handsome/beauty here that would sometimes be considered "effeminate" in the United States. Young, slender boys, with carefully coiffed, long hair, are the in thing here. Actually, they have been the in thing for hundreds of years. Grown woman sigh over these boys. Stories of the "beautiful young boy" who dies a tragic death early on (before he can get old enough to do a comb over) date back into samurai times.
I wonder if that has something to do with why so few Western women are married to Japanese men as compared with Western geeks married to Japanese women?
A Flan by any other name....
Have I explained before why I gain weight when I live in Japan eventhough I eat tons of fish, vegetables, and other healthy food?
Japan has the best of the East and the West when it comes to cakes, sweets, and cookies. Not only do they have all these strange, but delicious, Japanese type sweets (including rice cakes, sweet bean paste, sweet potato cakes, to name a few). They also have all of the traditional Western treats. Oh yes, and then they have the Japanese version of all the Western treats.
Take the humble pudding. What we call "flan" is called pudding here. But this isn't ordinary jello brand, ohno. Bill Cosby doesn't have a chance here.
How do I love Japanese pudding? Let me count the ways:
pumpkin flanMont Blanc roasted-top flan
black sesame seed flan
cinnamon powder flan
coffee flavored flan
And yes, they are sold (already made) in everyconvenience store on every corner all over Japan.
What's a girl to do?
love and light, Kirsten
P.S.Naoto finally read some of my emails (now that theyare posted on my stepmother's website for posterity (www.lindamax.com/knemails.html) He wanted me to say that I OFTEN EXAGGERATE what I am saying about Japan's customs and I am not giving the full picture.
I say, OF COURSE!
It wouldn't be as interesting otherwise.
But I guess I should warn you that these are only my opinions and the reports might sometimes be a teensy weensy bit inflated.
So there, Naoto!
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