Click
picture to enlarge.Emails from Kirsten and Naoto
June 2004
Date: Fri, 11 Jun 2004 18:09:54 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: Sorry, I'm American and Who are the people in your
neighborhood?
Dear Friends and Family
I have now officially survived 2 days alone with Mia and Maika.
Mia is being very stalwart and true. She is surprising me with how she is accepting having to wait/play by herself/do things alone. She even goodnaturedly gets things for me and puts things away for me as I sit breastfeeding Maika.
I wonder how long it will last...
Maika is still in newborn "I will sleep all the time" mode- which is great. It means I have more time to help Mia with this transition, and it means I get to do laundry, too!
She sleeps about 2-3 hours at a time at night.
Sorry, I'm American
Two days ago, a chatty, 83 year old woman found us in the park. It turns out she used to be a maid in the houses of rich Americans after World War II. One of her employers even invited her to return to the states, but since she would lose her national pension, she decided to stay in Japan.
It was very weird to have a woman who survived the fire-bombing of Tokyo go on and on about how wonderful American houses are.
It always makes me slightly uncomfortable to talk to elderly Japanese. I feel like I should be apologizing for my nationality.
Who are the people in your neighborhood?
So Japan doesn't have street names and orderly numbered houses like we (mostly) do in the States. It is all very confusing for foreigners like me, but people who live here seem to know where everything is.
When you give directions to your house, you usually end up giving directions to a nearby Lawson's or AM/PM convenience store, and then go get them.
To counteract this, Japan does two things that always tweaked my sense of privacy a little. Firstly, they put their names on the outside of all their houses/apartments. I mean, I guess Americans do it too, but almost EVERYONE does it here. In terms of apartments, I guess it's not information one couldn't easily get off a mailbox, but imagine the bonanza for stalkers!
Secondly, speaking of stalker bonanzas, you will periodically find maps posted on neighborhood bulletin boards with little boxes drawn on it analgous to the layout of the houses (because Japan adores convoluted, twisting, narrow streets) and/or businesses (no zoning laws, remember?) that are there. Inside each box is inscribed the name of the business or the name of the person living in the house.
Again, I guess this isn't information easily found in phone books in the States, but it makes me vaguely uneasy. Naoto's mother even has one of these maps inside her house (I guess it's related to her insurance business or something.) I have heard her comment on occasion about somebody-or-other and then point to where they live on the map.
Talk about big brother watching you!
(on a side note about the big brother thing, I noticed that whenever Seibu taxis drive by, my mother-in-law kind of smiles and bows. (Father-in-law works for the Seibu taxi company) I commented the other day that being watched by the entire Seibu taxi company must make it difficult to have an affair. My mother-in-law laughed and laughed, but I could see how being "on parade" in public all the time might wear you down. Kind of like being a foreigner!)
love and light,
kirsten
P.S. Here's the traditional "yay you were born" Japanese dinner we had thanks to Naoto's parents. They servie Tai (some kind of snapper) because the name sounds like the Japanese for congratulations "omedetai".
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picture to enlarge.
Date: Tue, 15 Jun 2004 23:54:44 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: Adventures in Birth Registration
Dear Friends and Family
Somebody mentioned to me that in the last picture I sent "omedetai" that Baba and Mia have the same expression on their face and look alike. Yep, I've always said Mia looks like a Suzuki with those big cheeks.
Baba thinks Maika looks like my side of the family. She said in Japanese "if you look at her long enough, she looks just like your brother, Mark."
Go figure.
Mia has decided she's going to be crabby at lunch time every day this week. She whines and cries about everything, but it seems to resolve itself after her nap.
She is just starting to put on her own pants, although with much coaching by me. She has regressed back to her potty (after going in the big toiletfor a long time), but she is starting to recognize the concept of counting and numbers from 1-5.
She doesn't seem to direct any jealousy towards Maika, luckily. She mostly kisses or strokes Maika's head. She also asks "where is the baby" in Japanese whenever she comes home. She also likes to hold Maika for about a minute at a time while sitting down.
Maika still sleeps most of the time, or wants to breastfeed. (not too exciting until she gets more of a personality, I think.)
Adventures in Birth Registration
Well, Maika and I had the great pleasure of traveling an hour into downtown Tokyo to register her birth at the American Embassy and also get her a passport (so we can see my brother in Wichita this September)
First of all, it is OH SO FUN riding the trains/subways in downtown Tokyo during rush hour with a 2 and half week old baby slung on your tummy. (I went early because my experience with immigration services is that if you don't go early, you may not actually make it in the building because of lines)
Let me just say that salarymen with receding hairlines need to stay the heck away from my child with their hacking coughs!
Let me also just say that even if you are sitting in the silver seat (reserved for old people, handicapped, and people with small children or pregnant women) when a lady with a small child gets on the train, YOU ARE STILL A DUMBHEAD if you don't give up your seat because you are asleep (or pretending to be asleep so you don't have to actually see the lady with the small child).
Naoto went with us about 3/4 of the way to the Embassy on his way to work. As I was walking away from him at the last transfer stop, I could tell he was going to worry about us until we made it home. Poor guy, he still doesn't believe I know how to ride the Tokyo subways.
The U.S. embassy in Tokyo is in a rich neighborhood. It is surrounded by a high wall, as well as slender, Japanese guardsmen. Because so many of the entrances are closed and barricaded, you have to walk WAY around the whole building (on the opposite side of the street mind you) to get to the main entrance.
When I finally got there, I was horrified to see a long, long line way out the doors and down the streets for a few blocks. And me with a 2 and half week old child who was getting hungry.
La.
I looked around to see if there was any "american citizen can cut the line and come in here" sign, but to no avail. I trudged to the end of the line, followed by the eyes of visa hopefuls in front of me.
Then, salvation.
A Japanese embassy worker ran down to the end of the line (where I was), asked if I needed "American Citizen Services" and then ushered me to the front. Along the way he grabbed a blonde woman and her child and told her to go up, too.
I tell you, it was one of the rare moments I was thankful I was American. But.... ( and you know Kirsten has to complain about this) why did he only take the two obviously Caucasian people? He didn't even ask anyone else.
Can you say "Racist," class? Very good. For your homework please count the non-caucasians you see on your way to work the next morning (if you live in the states). Please write a 2 page report about it, and send it to the U.S. embassy in Tokyo. Thank you.
There were large-muscled and tatooed army/marine type dudes all over the embassy. They got to see my breastfeed Maika at the consulate window because I had to wait for my name to be called and I didn't want to miss it. I hope those military guys weren't too distracted! (they certainly looked more able to defend the embassy than the slender Japanese guards. I wonder why they don't put the marines on the outside guard detail? Or maybe the Japanese guys are sacrificed if someone actually does attack?)
Luckily, there weren't very many other American citizens there that morning and I finished in a record 15 minutes.
Then Maika threw up all over me. Of course, I had two extra outfits for her, but no extra shirt for me. So I got to ride the hour back to Higashimurayama with shirt and pants covered in baby spit up.
Double La.
On a bright note, I did get to drink an Iced Latte and eat a chocolate chunk scone from Starbucks (as there are many a Starbucks in downtown Tokyo, just not where I live) so my day wasn't completely ruined.
love and light,
Kirsten
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picture to enlarge.
Date: Sat, 26 Jun 2004 01:07:09 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: Naoto the Conqueror and Reason 569
Dear Friends and Family
Mia has become a fanatic about her winnie the pooh puzzles (about 20-30 pieces each.) She has 3 of them, and MUST do them at least 10 times every day.
I gotta get out and buy her a new one!
Her favorite tv program on the NHK educational channel is "karada de asobo" (let's play with our bodies). This show is not as racy as it sounds. It stars Kane Kosugi (son og Sho Kosugi, who did lots of ninja movies in the U.S. in the 80's
http://www.hkmania.com/from.php?fromurl=http://www.hkmania.com/Dossiers/kanekosugieng.html)
He, and two young children, jump, roll, and basically do physical education stuff. There is also a segment about correct ways to bow, say hello, sit, etc. based on formal Japanese strictures.
It certainly gets Mia up and moving in the morning.
Maika pretty much only outright cries when she gets her fist tangled in her hair and is pulling her own hair. She makes these cute snuffly noises when nursing. Mia was never this easy to parent.
I am still learning how to parent 2 children. I was thinking the other day how easy it is to be a surface/physical "good" parent. I gave up alot of caffeine, alcohol and going out for both Mia and Maika. They get enough to eat. They sleep fine. Neither Naoto nor I hit them.
Yet. It's not so easy to be a "good" parent (and I put that in quotation marks because my definition of a good parent is probably different from many others') on an emotional level.
It requires you to be mature. Yuck. Like, not waiting for Maika's third yell before picking her up because I am addicted to email and don't want to leave the screen. Or, like not making Mia cry more when we are both crabby and I just can't take her whining any more.
I hate being mature.
Naoto the Conqueror
The more I hear about Naoto's company, the more I fear for Cognos Japan's future. It seems like the parent company in Canada has its act together, but the Japan one is just scary. No, really.
Since Naoto joined, he's told me of at least 5 people (including the CEO) who have quit.
The cause of most of Naoto's diatribes are his bosses (no, I can't keep them all straight, either. Apparently there are like sub bosses of different sections that overlap, etc.)
Naoto's company has an important contract with a big company, let's call them "F" company, here in Japan.
Naoto was at a meeting with F company the other day, and managed to somehow be the calmest and most capable person there. (not that I am putting down my sweetie, but truly Naoto is not the most outwardly calm person I know, nor is he really up to date on all of Cognos' stuff yet).
He told me between his American coworker's Japanese, and his bosses' bad manners, Naoto was the only one who seemed to communicate with the F company boss. Apparently the F company boss then ended up calling Naoto directly about the next problem they had.
Tee hee. Naoto's going to take over!
Naoto said he wished he could teach the F company people how to be angry. He said this because he can't believe how they sit there and take his bosses' somewhat less than polite comments about stuff.
I told him he should start an anger management class- that is, "how to be angry" instead of "how to handle your anger."
Naoto also told me that another of his bosses (whom everyone in the company dislikes) has started being very nice to him. This is a guy who merely grunted when Naoto formally introduced himself the first time they met.
Naoto told me he made yakuza eyes at this guy (okay, Naoto didn't actually say "yakuza eyes", but it's my best description of they look Naoto showed me) every time they met at the office.
Now I think the guy is afraid of Naoto.
Tee hee. Naoto's going to take over.
If only by his sheer continuing presence, 'cause everyone else seems to be quitting!
Reason 569 why Mia and Maika will not grow up in Japan
Last week I was crossing the busy street (in a light rain) in front of our local train/subway station. I was holding Mia's hand and pushing Maika one-handed in her stroller with the cover down.
Just as I got to the center of the street, a lady races up from behind me and stands in front of the stroller, effectively blocking me.
Then she asks "Donna gakki ga haite iru?"
Which means "What (kind of) child is in there?"
I was so flabbergasted I couldn't make a good comeback (something like "one that is going to run over your foot if you don't move out of the way you old bag" or "one that is going to die from a car crash if you make me stay in this street").
I mumbled something like "sorry, I don't really want to stop in the street" to her and pushed around her.
But, really folks. The idiocy of a total stranger stopping a mother with two kids in the rain on a busy street and asking "what kind of child is in there?" really can't be measured.
love and light,
Kirsten
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