Emails from Kirsten and Naoto
January 2004
Date: Fri, 9 Jan 2004 02:32:03 -0800 (PST)
Subject: Many disjointed things
Dear Friends and Family
Well, it's been a while since my last missive. Did you miss me?
Wichita was wonderful. I love the U.S. (if not the people who run it. Speaking of which, here is a link to some great anti-Bush propaganda. They are truly funny and scary at the same time. http://www.bushin30seconds.org/)
Anyway, we are safely returned from Wichita, I am working on my last week at Josai, and we are packing to move next week.
Mia seems to like the new apartment- she ran around like a crazy hellion both times we went there. I must admit I couldn't be ecstactic about the new place. It is truly Tokyo Urban jungle. There is hardly any green (or even brown) within walking distance. The apartment itself is, of course, smaller than our current house. There are plus sides to this, but I am sure I will find them out when I am used to living there.
We went to Tokyo for two days before my classes started. Naoto and I did the registration dance at the city hall. Japan doesn't have social security numbers. They keep track of people through the juminhyo (which is like a citizenship registration.) If you move to a new town, you have to "exit" your former town and register yourself in your new location. As a foriegner, I have to register myself in my new town, as well.
Interestingly enough (and this rant dates back to my first months in Gumyo) I can not be added to Naoto's citizenship registration (although Mia is) nor can I add Mia to my foriegner registration. On paper in Japan I am childless and husbandless.
In all our jumping through hoops, Naoto came to conclusion that service at Japanese banks, while impersonal, is more efficient than the U.S. On the other hand, he likes chatty check-out girls in U.S. supermarkets. Back on the Japan side, after experience with ANA, JAL, Korean, Northwest, United, and American airlines in transpacific flights, he claims (and I agree) that flight attendants are much much better on Asian airlines.
I agree because as a passenger with child, flight attendants have been somewhat rude or forgetful or just not friendly to me on U.S. flights. Naoto doesn't like the tendency for U.S. flight attendants (and maybe many U.S. people in general in the service industry) to try and turn and problem back on the customer as if to make it their fault. On the other hand, Asian flight attendants have always gone out of their way to help me with Mia, are unfailingly smiley and polite, and never make me feel guilty about requests like extra apple juice.
As another example of why I am actually happy to be leaving Josai, I was walking down the hallway towards my office yesterday when a gaggle of freshmen (I hope they were freshmen, if they were older I fear for Japan's future) boys were walking towards me. I smiled and nodded as I usually do towards students that are not my own. Just as I was about five feet from the front boys, the one nearest me was pushed into my path by his giggling friend.
I mean, really, college students? What are they, 4 years old?
And finally.....Naoto and I got cell phones! Yes, the up-stream swimming salmon (Naoto against the current of Japanese society) finally bowed to the pressure of modern society and got us cell phones. I refused to live in Tokyo with two small children without emergency phone-age. It is embarrassing how little we know how to use them when our elementary school next-door neighbor is already a pro. Yet almost everybody in Japan has cell phones. They use them for email, so much that most Josai college students don't know how to use computer-based email. I think it's going to hurt Japan in the long run that these generations of kids are not computer-savvy. Korea may grow up and swallow Japan whole.
Meanwhile, I hope that all of you had nice New Year's and Holidays.
Love and light,
Kirsten
P.S. Naoto, our nephew Misko, and Mia at Exploration place in Wichita.
Click
on picture to enlarge
Date: Mon, 19 Jan 2004 20:31:52 -0800 (PST)
Subject: Back online and obatarians
Dear Friends and Family
Well, I am officially back online. Yahoo BroadBand got us up and running yesterday while I was away at work.
I had to go in for my last day of classes. It turned out to be a 3 hour commute (each way) by bus and train to get back to Josai from our new apartment.
Naoto was so funny. He fussed over me like a mother hen with new chicks. He was so worried that I had to go to Josai by myself. As if this were my first time in Japan (going on my 5th year) or as if I had never ridden Tokyo subways before (rode them by myself for the first time back in 1992- even before I met Naoto) or as if I was incapable of asking for help (because you know I don't speak ANY Japanese)....
Our movers got all our boxes and furniture moved in record time. Naoto's parents, sister, and brother-in-law (almost all couldn't fit inside our little apartment at the same time!) unpacked boxes, played with Mia, and pounded nails into the walls. Our new apartment is smaller, but it is warmer!
Naoto complained to me he was a little disappointed to move back to his old neighborhood (near his parents) because "no new streets to learn." You can be sure I felt sorry for him. I (proudly) can go to the station, the bank, the grocery store, and the post office by myself so far.
Our new neighborhood is populated entirely by young mothers riding around on bicycles with 1 or 2 children attached.
Obatarians
I kind of miss the Bonnetted old ladies, but it is nice to see other mothers in the neighborhood. There are pushy old ladies at the grocery store if I get too lonely for old women.
It is kind of funny the way that works in Japan. They call a certain kind of old lady an "obatarian" (from the English word "battalion" and the Japanese word for old lady.) These ladies push through doors whether you are holding them or not. They unashamedly cut ahead of you in line to get on the train or bus, and basically go through life selfishly helping themselves.
They squeeze the Charmin in the stores.
They also squeeze Mia's cheeks without asking first or even looking at me.
My take on this is that these ladies have spent most of their lives catering to their husbands and children. Once they reach a certain age, the combination of Confucian-influenced culture that requires respect for the aged and their desire to rest on their laurels- so to speak- let them ignore most of the social niceties without compunction.
Naoto hates them. They amuse me.
love and light,
Kirsten
p.s. photo of the "living" room of our new apartment. All the stuff that looked so little in our house now makes our apartment look cluttered!
Click
on our apartment to make it bigger.
Date: Mon, 26 Jan 2004 20:54:08 -0800 (PST)
Subject: Judgement and Housewife stuff
Dear Friends and Family:
Well, we successfully survived our first week as stereotypical salaryman & housewife.
Naoto is laying low at his company for now, but he has many little complaints. At least he doesn't have to wear a tie and suit every day.
And you'll never believe this. An American guy (from SAn Francisco who went to school in Ohio) started at the same time as him. They get along really well.
But that's not the hard to believe part. (cue X files music) His name is John Doggett. Yes, many jokes are being made by me.
Mia survived her first complete day being babysat by Baba and Jiji. It seems that the crying was minimal. Baba said it looked like she was "gaman suru" (kind of "trying to bear it"). She did go to bed 2 and half hours later than usual, though.
She is going through this mommy-only stage again. She won't let Naoto dress her, put her to bed, change her diaper, brush her teeth, etc. etc. I thought she was done with this!
Housewife stuff
Yep, I'm a housewife. We got a bicycle seat for Mia, so now I am one of the myriad denizens of Higashimurayama (for those of you interested, "higashi" means "east", "mura" means "village", and "yama" means mountain. So I live in Eastern village mountain) riding around with a small child on my bicycle dodging trucks, telephone poles, and delivery vehicles parked in the miniscule sidewalks.
I am making dinner for Naoto so he can eat when he gets home (around 7:30 each night) and vacuuming and going to the bank and post office...
But I retain my individuality. I don't wear the "uniform" (jeans and either english-branded fashionable casual sweatshirt or two-piece sweater ensemble) of the housewife with kids, and I eat at ramen shops with Mia for lunch.
I went to the local children's center where they have a play room. There was a definite clique there of mothers and children who already knew each other. I think I made my first, big gaffe when I sat at the lunch table (everyone else sat on mats on the floor) with my boxed lunch (everyone else had homemade rice balls) to eat the first day. Sigh. You live, you learn. Now if I can only make rice balls that don't fall apart...
Judgement
I'm about to get a little philosophical on you, so forgive me (or skip to the end). You know I complain a lot about how Japanese are ignorant of the concept of volunteerism or charity. I also like to complain about how politicians like Bush and their "by their own bootstraps philosophy" are making legislation that cuts important social welfare programs.
But deep down inside, you wanna know the truth? I am a middle class snob. I believe that with hard work people can help themselves. I believe that education is the answer. I know that I believe these things because of my privileged, never had to worry about the next meal, upbringing. Yet I am still judgemental.
And then I read an article like this one; (courtesy of Electrolite weblog) http://www.nytimes.com/2004/01/18/magazine/18POOR.html?ex=1389762000&en=ac9ac775c3fc94c3&ei=5007&partner=USERLAND
about Caroline Payne who is hardworking and did get education, and who is still not able to pull herself up by the bootstraps.
And then I feel all socialist again. My service-to-others indoctrination from my Quaker college kicks into effect. Some people do need extra help. Not because they are lazy or bad, just because of circumstances that may or may not be under their control. I wish I believed in fate or a master plan, but I don't.
I wish Bush could walk a few days in Caroline Payne's shoes. I wish some Japanese people could try being an ethnic Korean in Japan, or a burakumin (old untouchable class from the Edo/shogun period), or a physically challenged person and try to negotiate the maze of stairs, barriers, and minimal sidewalks that constitutes most of the public transport around here.
And then I sit around and feel incredibly lucky/guilty that Naoto and I have the lifestyle we do. I know we have done nothing to deserve it. Sometimes I wonder if we are living on borrowed time, and there's some disaster waiting down the line for us to balance our current good luck.
Anyway, there's some flan-flavored Haagen-Das ice cream waiting for me now that Mia is napping. (I love Haagan-Daaz not only because it's one of the best brands available in Japan, but also for their old, suggestive commercial. A man and woman are riding bare back on a white horse on the beach. He leans forward, encircles her in his arms, and placing his lips close to her ear whispers "shall we Haagen-das?" (in English mind you.))
love and light,
Kirsten
P.S. This is the view off our front balcony/living room windows. Yes I live in the concrete jungle. I used to fall asleep to the sound of crickets. Now I fall asleep to the sound of big rigs passing by. It never really gets dark at night with all the street lights- I can still read my clock.
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on photo to enlarge.