Click
on picture to enlarge.Emails from Kirsten & Naoto
January 2003
Date: Fri, 3 Jan 2003 02:33:50 -0800 (PST)
Subject: Full Frontal Apologies
Dear Friends and Family
Winter holidays rock! Yeah for Christmas/New Year's/Passover/Kwanzaa/etc. etc. I've been off since December 17th and don't have to go back until January 8th. (This is like the one major perk of teaching.)
We all went to visit my brother's family in Seattle. I had a latte every day and ate Mexican food twice. It was heaven. I even got to see the Two Towers in the theater. Only one more to go, sigh.
Mia started walking in Seattle. Okay, she can't go much more than about 8 steps at a time, and she has trouble turning around, but I am so proud of her.
To quote a poem from Mothering.com:
"She is leaving me
and I'm helping her to go
I want her to go
and become her own
But oh I want her to stay"
Enough of the sappy stuff.
We survived the trip home, barely. (Mia doesn't travel well, and boy is she LOUD compared to other babies.)
Naoto's parents picked us up at the airport and Mia cried all the way home in the car. However, when she got into the house, she suddenly started smiling and babbling and semi-walking/crawling all around touching things. I think she was happy to be home and recognized our house. Amazing.
Naoto's mother proceeded to unpack like 100 pounds of food she brought with her. She made all this delicious food and cleaned up afterwards. She didn't even make us eat nasty osechi ryori very much on New Year's day. Yeah.
From December 31st to January 3rd most Japanese businesses are on holiday. Apparently, if you go by Naoto's family, you should spend this time sitting under the kotatsu (heated table) drinking beer/sake, eating sashimi, and watching the college relay races on t.v. It is disturbingly similiar to the Christmas Holidays I've experienced with my father's side of the family. (although you should substitute venison for the sashimi.)
Full Frontal Apologies
So just before I left I had this problem in my IIA Reading class. All semester, the students were (for half of their grade) supposed to be turning in little reading reports about seven different readings. (they each choose what they want to read about and then I go find the info online and print it out for them.)
Half of them were doing it. The other half weren't. So finally they get it through their heads that they are going to fail if they don't do it. I get this deluge of reports from students I KNOW can't even put three sentences together.
So I am suspicious because the reports are rather long. They involve alot of strange pronouns and mistakes most Japanese students don't make. A lot of the sentences are just downright incomprehensible due to word choice.
I get more suspicious.
I ask around the university and it seems that there has been many rashes of "cheating" by using an online translation program.
It is very very obvious when you compare a paper a student has actually written and a paper done by the translation program.
So what do I do? I don't want to confront the two or three students I suspect. I don't want to punish the whole class, either. I don't want to just let it go.
So I pulled a "junior high" solution (as Naoto called it. He calls it this because in Japan the junior high home rooms are big into group responsibility and guilt)
I went to class and told them that:
a) some students were cheating by using a translation
program, but I an not saying who
b) it is stupid because the grade doesn't depend on
the writing, it depends on showing me you actually
read the reading
c) it is unfair to yourself, and the other students
Then I told them I was going to leave the room for 20 minutes and when I came back I wanted THEM to tell me what I should do about the next batch of reports due. (I emphasized that I didn't want a confession, that I didn't care about the reports already turned in, I just wanted to know what to do about the next ones.)
Then I left.
I came back, and one of my favorite students in that class, Takuya, pulled a junior high thing back at me.
He said in Japanese "everyone stand up" "everyone bow" and all the students (even the punk ones) stood up, bowed, and apologized in very polite Japanese to me.
I was a little overwhelmed. I was very uncomfortable. I didn't know whether to laugh or look stern. What would you do?
In th end, I was pleased with the outcome. After that day, one of the students (whom I suspected of using the translation program) didn't bother to come back. Another one stayed. Go figure.
Love and light,
Kirsten
p.s. Had to send two pictures because Mia is that cute. She likes to play in the curtains, and she is a big fan of the teletubbies. She loves saying goodbye to them (they say goodbye at the end of the program like five times each.)
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Date: Fri, 10 Jan 2003 15:17:35 -0800 (PST)
Subject: Yet More Japanese Formality
Dear Family and Friends:
How goes it now that the holiday season is really over? I am having my last week of classes. (mostly a "here is what is on your test" kind of deal)
Mia continues to walk. She has a diagonal list and so far doesn't manage to walk without her arms and hands curled up like paws against her chest.
Mia also eats EVERYTHING. (or at least she will if she sees me or Naoto eating it.) She is a bottomless pit right now. To prove this, I included a photo of her eating (drumroll please) BROCCOLI with Naoto.
Yet More Japanese Formality
So two days ago I got a Japanese note in my mailbox. I can figure out about half of the meaning of these notes. I figured out that my presence was being requested at a meeting at 3;30. The president was going to "greet" us at this meeting.
Hmmm, I thought we had already met.
(Especially since I spent three consecutive fridays last April being marched around to several different meetings of university honchos (including the president). All us new teachers would stand in a line, say our name and hometown, bow, and say a set phrase in Japanese that basically means "nice to meet you please help me in the future.")
Anyway, I filed into the huge Mizuta Memorial hall with the rest of the English department and found that most of the other full time teachers were already sitting in the back rows. We had to sit in front.
Exactly at 3:30, the president, as well as five others that I knew were head honcho types came on stage. (there was a giant viewscreen to the left with a close up of the speaker's face.)
The president came first. We all stood up, bowed to each other, and sat down. She said "Happy New Year." Then she proceeded to speak for 45 minutes.
Of the 30 some language department teachers there, my guess is that 2 understood most everything she said, and 3 (including me) got a good gist. Even the Japanese teacher sitting next to me snoozed.
I think she talked about the importance of helping the admissions department, internationalization of Japan, and trying to help students focus on their career choice early in their study program. I think.
I tried to listen, really I did, but I just couldn't help focusing on the giant viewscreen where the president's expressions, wrinkles, makeup flakes and all, were presented in giant detail.
Oh yeah, then the other five guys stood up and talked for about 20 minutes each.
We were all fairly glassy eyed at the end of this "greeting." (even standing up and bowing to each speaker didn't help.)
To me, this was an example of a kind of Japanese formality that I understand intellectually (give a pep talk to the team so that they feel connected to and enthusiastic about their jobs. Also, the formal marking of the New Year is a big deal here.) but I don't get emotionally. (why did I have to spend two hours sitting in an auditorium not understanding?)
I think it's a matter of the form outweighing the content again.
As many Japanese teachers were obviously sleeping, I wonder how effective this "greeting" is. I wonder if it's actually okay to fall asleep, as long as your warm body is there....
Maybe that's where my students' problems come from...
love and light,
Kirsten
p.s. The other picture included here is Mia with a teddy bear my maternal grandmother made. Mia used to be smaller than that bear! I can't believe it.
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Date: Mon, 20 Jan 2003 03:29:31 -0800 (PST)
Subject: things I like about Japan/tokyo and fathers/husbands
Dear Friends and Family
Well, there's been a lull between the last week of school and exams. Naoto and I went up to Tokyo to stay for a few days. Gotta let the grandparents have some Mia time. It was the first time she really hung out for long periods of time without us.
Naoto and I went on a date! Yippee! We went to a karaoke box and sang american songs. (Naoto favors Queen, Billy Joel, and the backstreet boys. I sang a little Britney Spears, No Doubt, and Folksongs. You never know what American songs you will find in Japanese karaoke houses!!)
While I was in Tokyo, I thought about some of the things I like about Japan/Tokyo:
the beautifully designed seasonal labels on all the major brand beer cans
heated seats on all the trains and subways
heated toilet seats in winter!
the ability to buy a hot can of coffee ( black, with sugar, with milk, with sugar and milk, mocha, or hot tea and milk) every two blocks
the winter kimono jackets old women wear
the overabundance of ramen restaurants (I counted five restaurants- and no this is not an exaggeration, Naoto) on the 8 minute trip from the station to Naoto's parent's house.
Fathers/husbands:
Some interesting father/husband issues have been turning up around me recently.
It all started at Naoto's play group. I asked the head of the group if Naoto seemed really strange the first time she met him (because he is way americanized and it comes through!)
She told me that she actually saw us together on the train before we ever came to that playgroup. She said it really stuck in her mind because she was amazed that a married couple with a kid still had that much to say to each other. (apparently we were talking all the way home.)
The other mothers kind of nodded and made agreeing noises. Then I asked them about their husbands. The head lady said she is in a "married divorce." She explained it meant they live in the same house but hardly speak or see each other. Another lady said it was easier/better when the husband wasn't there. When he was there she had to think about his needs and be careful.
Hmmmm.
Then I was watching a Japanese children's program on the educational/national tv station. It was interesting to me that there was a whole "father" focused episode that showed animated scenes of fathers taking a bath with their child, hugging their child, etc. etc. Naoto said it was propaganda to reinforce the idea that fathers should spend more time with their kids.
Thirdly, I was reading the writing journal of one of my students. In it he wrote something like, "I never see my father. He works so hard every day. So I must respect him for his hard work."
Finally I was talking to an American friend of mine married to a Japanese man. She said that since she had her daughter, their marriage felt like it turned into more of a business-like arrangement. I think Naoto and I have also had a transformation in our marriage in that direction.
Then I started thinking about what marriage was really supposed to be, and what does it mean in different cultures.
I found that I didn't really have any good answers. I guess I will settle for marriage being "good" if it helps the people in it live their lives in a happier way. If that means the husband and wife barely see eachother, maybe that's okay.
Hmmm. Not what I want, however. I hope Naoto and I still have a lot to say to each other 10 years from now.
love and light,
Kirsten
p.s. the two pictures are one) Grandma Suzuki and Mia at a children's play area in a department store. Mia is sitting on a character called "sweet bean paste bread man" -believe me it sounds better in japanese.
and two)a view of the unbelievable location of Naoto's parent's house. It kind of sits smack dab in the middle of a bunch of other houses. The view is from their "driveway" and the house is way in the back.
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Date: Wed, 29 Jan 2003 23:12:57 -0800 (PST)
Subject: Mia was sick or why we might get a cell phone
Dear Friends and Family:
Well, the semester wound down and I didn't have to quit after all. Everyone who should have failed basically failed so badly there was absolutely no hope of them passing.
I got no special phone calls into my boss's office. I am grateful not to have to make a decision about that.
Now my grades are turned in and I am spending only an hour or two each day at my office. I am mostly using that time work on my online class. (I am taking the first course in an online certificate program for Instructional/Educational Technology with the San Diego State University. I am 98% sure Josai will pay for it as a professional activity)
Mia is making progress in many aspects of her life. She started to walk over Christmas, but until now has only done so for play. Now she is actually walking sometimes as a form of locomotion, although crawling is still more comfortable. She just learned how to stand on her own.
Verbally she is becoming very interesting now. She "says" : "wan-wan" (the noise a dog says in japanese), "bye bye", "up" (so I will pick her up) and last, but not least, "daikon." (why daikon? I don't know, ask Naoto.)
Last night she leaked her diaper and woke up around 5:45 in the morning. After changing her, she snuggled back down next to me and repeated "daikon" (actually it's more like dai-clearing her throat) ten or fifteen times.
She tries to repeat other words. She seems to understand things like "Say goodnight to daddy" or "all gone" or "let's change your diaper."
All very interesting to me from a language point of view.
Unfortunately, she has hit this period now where every little thing frustrates her and she instantly screams and cries. Please tell me this is only a stage!
Of course the most interesting thing that has happened in a long time was Superbowl night. Naoto went out with some American teacher friends of ours to a family restaurant in town to watch the rebroadcast of the Superbowl (he was very careful not to find out the final score beforehand.)
Two days before, Mia had been sick, throwing up, crabby, all that kind of thing. However, Superbowl day I thought she was okay, although I was feeling under the weather.
Mia and I went to bed at 7 and Naoto went out. I was awoken by Mia crying, so I turned over and said "it's okay" and she immediately threw up all over her bed. I sat up on my futon and took her into my arms and she immediately threw up all over me. Then I tried to stand up and immediately started to faint. So I crawled out of our futons and put mia down on our wood floor.
I lay down next to her. We were both covered in throw up. Mia was hysterically crying. I was trying simultaneously to not throw up and not faint.
It was so pathetic I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Then I remembered one of Naoto's friends had a cell phone. So I crawled over to the phone and called the friend . I told Naoto to come home right away.
To make a long story short, everything turned out okay and Naoto got home in time to help me clean up. (unfortunately the Raiders lost the superbowl- but that's not Mia's fault)
However, after years of passionate resistance, now Naoto thinks we should get a cell phone. (as we are the very, very last people over the age of 6 to not own one in Japan)
Love and light,
Kirsten
p.s. as you can see, both Mia and I are happy and healthy now. This picture was taken today. Mia sure loves her bottle!
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