Emails from Kirsten and Naoto
August 2002

Date: Fri, 2 Aug 2002 03:21:53 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: Losing Naoto and the Destiny of Baseball Boys

Dear Friends and Family:

Mia is cutting her first teeth! It looks like the two bottom, front ones are coming in. We are fairly excited, as she is somewhat late in the mouth department.

Summer is nigh upon Gumyo and the locusts and heat are in a race for being the most annoying. Naoto and  I went to Tokyo to see his parents. As August 1st was our 4-year anniversary (oh my god, has it been four years?), we put Mia to sleep and then went out by ourselves for the first time since Mia's birth. We spent two hours at a tempura restaurant. It was fabulous.

Losing Naoto

Okay, an embarrassing mistake was made by the two of us on our way home from Tokyo. First of all, nothing was going right that morning. JR had some kind of train trouble so it took us about three hours to travel a distance it usually takes only two. Of course Mia was not at all happy to be cooped up in a crowded train.

We finally got off the JR train and switched to another line. Just as we got on board, I had an overwhelming thirst. I asked Naoto if there was time for him to run to a vending machine on the platform and buy some water. He asked a guy standing nearby when the train was due to leave and the guy said. "in 15 minutes."

So I said to naoto, "don't be late, if the train starts to leave and you're not on it I'm just going to stay onboard" as I have done a million times. He smiled and said "okay."

About five minutes after Naoto left, the train's doors closed and it took off. I was a little startled, as it hadn't been 15 minutes at all. I nervously waited for Naoto to come walking down  the aisle. When he didn't, I decided to face facts and panic.

There I was, a squirming Mia in one arm, faced with a backpack, our carseat, and Mia's full diaper bag, no money, no ticket, and no idea what Naoto's parents' phone number was, and no idea what station I was supposed to get off or where I was going, really.

So then I sat down and tried to decide what I thought Naoto would be doing. I imagined him running after the train, panicked and hysterical. (he later told me it was a vision very close to the truth.)

I decided to get off at the next stop and hope that Naoto would figure out where I was. I got off ( with the help of the abashed man who told us the wrong time for the train's departure- he was sincerely apologetic) and waited, expectantly, breathlessly, nervously for the next train. As I waited, I started rehearsing "my husband's got all our tickets and money " in Japanese. I wished I'd had my dictionary so I could look up "collect call"

Luckily, Naoto came bounding off the train when it arrived at the station where I was waiting. We both had a good laugh and got back on the train. Very exciting.

Destiny of the Baseball Boys

I had somebody ask me what happened to the Baseball boys who were the bane of my existence this semester. Most of them passed by the thinnest skin of their teeth. One of them had to retake the final in order to do so.

Unfortunately, I did something for one of them (coincidentally named "naoto") that I am not proud of. I passed him allthough he didn't get the required 60% on the final oral and written exam. He was close, but not quite there. The prospect of having to tell him, deal with his whining, write another test in September and have him fail that, too was a little too much to deal with. I could say as an excuse that I was feeling sympathetic for the ESL teacher who would have to deal with him when he retook the class, but truly I passed him for purely selfish reasons.

I had two non-baseball students, who fulfilled all the requirements, jumped through all the hoops, even came to the oral final exam and passed that one, but who didn't show up to take the final written exam. I am very puzzled by these two. They gave no indication they would bail out at the end of the semester like this. It makes me wonder why they went to all the trouble over the whole semester and then suddenly chuck it all?

What goes on in my students' heads? I wish I could peak in their and see what was behind their motivations. It made me aware of how little teachers see of the full, complex lives students bring with them into the classroom.

Anyway, they have the chance to retake the test in September, although I am doubtful they will show up.

That's all for now. The photo this time is of Mia being sprayed by a water mist-er. If you spray her face, she closes her eyes, gives a little sigh, and then smiles. It's very cute.

love and light,

kirsten

Click on the picture to enlarge

P.S. Congratulations to my friend DAVID MAY for becoming a Doctor. Can I call you Doctor Dave?

Date: Wed, 7 Aug 2002 18:00:51 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: Mafia Wives and Hiroshima

Dear Friends and Family:

Why is it so difficult to do things during vacation? When you actually have time, it should be easier to keep up things like housework and emails. I find that by afternoon, though, Naoto and I are usually lying on the floor next to Mia, barely awake.

I am much much more productive when I have to work!

Mia is Ms. Crankola of the Universe this week. I think its because she now has four teeth coming in all at once. Also, its been so hot outside that we are living in our one air-conditioned room, not taking our usual walks, and basically I think she's bored with it all.

Mafia Wives

We have started going to a deluxe grocery store called Nagasakiya every day. The downstairs is a grocery store, but the second floor has clothing and books stores kind of like an inside mall. Not only is Nagasakiya very air-conditioned (and it's free air conditioning, unlike ours at home) but it has a children's play area with plastic slides and rockers. I think a lot of other mothers have the same idea because it is always crowded.

Most of the other mothers are wearing cute outfits with brightly patterned aprons on. I, of course, wear shorts and a t-shirt. Yesterday, a statuesque, young woman in a slip-dress, high-heeled sandals and bright orange hair came in and sat down for a moment. Her son was wearing a traditional, Japanese pajamas outfit (not something you usually see outside a home). Naoto immediatly whispered to me in English "mafia wife."

All the other mothers really stared at her, but she didn't seem to mind. I don't know if I really believe Naoto, but even if she wasn't a Mafia wife, you could tell everyone around thought she was. This is an example of how Japan really has formalized dress and hair to signify membership in a group. I am not saying that U.S.A. people can't take a look at a guy with a pocket-protector and say "nerd", or whatever, but in Japan it's eerie how ALL the nerds seem to have the same hair style, glasses-frames, etc. All the surfers have a certain repertoire of hair styles and designers for their clothes.

Everyone knows who everyone else is pretty quickly.

Hiroshima

Two days ago was the Hiroshima memorial. It's a pretty big deal in Japan, as you might imagine. Bells tolled, people stopped what they weredoing and hada moment of silence, Naoto prayed, originally scheduled programming was coopted.

This time the Japanese media focused on a woman whose husband died in the September 11th tragedy who came to participate in the memorial. This is my own, personal thought,  probably colored by four years at a Quaker college, but all of a sudden the "terrorism" of Sept. 11th,  the tragedy of Hiroshima/Nagasaki, and the current Bush activities seemed very similiar in my mind.

What kind of world have I brought Mia into? Is she going to be proud to be an American with the government we currently have?

Kirsten

Click on the picture to enlarge

Date: Tue, 13 Aug 2002 03:52:29 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: Crime and TV heroines

Dear Friends and Family:

Okay, I am done with August. Anyone for skipping right on to September and cool evenings once again?

Mia now has 5 teeth! I guess she was waiting until she could get a bunch done all at once. She is still not crawling or standing, yet. Now she likes to  pull herself up to a kneeling position using furniture or parents' bodies. She falls a lot, but she is getting better at falling, too. Naoto says he doesn't think she will learn to crawl before she walks. I just wish she would learn a little bit more mobility somehow, she gets so frustrated now when she wants to go somewhere and she can't !

Crime

The news tonight is pretty terrible, as usual. Terrible flooding in Europe. Naoto says parts of Prague had to be evacuated. More hot weather. Murders, careless parents, etc. etc.

I remember when I was in Morioka back in '93 (oh my goodness, was that 9 years ago?)  most of the murders and violence reported were either overseas or in the Yakuza (Japanese organized crime) community. It's pretty different now. I remember walking home, alone, drunk, at 2:00 a.m. without any fear. Now, I don't think I would walk alone after 10, even though I live in a small town.

Japan is changing. Where violent crimes like murder and rape used to be fairly contained, it is now spreading out to the general populace. I wonder if it is the economy going down causing financial stress, or it might be the changing of traditional gender roles causining domestic stress, the continuing internationalization of Japan culturally and economically, or global warming.

Anyway, it makes me sad. I didn't really realize- as a woman- how much fear was in my life until I came to Japan, and then felt its absence. Do you know how exhilerating and powerful it felt to walk down a street at 2:00 a.m. in the morning, alone, without having to watch every shadow, without having to assess the dangerousess of every person you saw? Or traveling alone on buses, trains, and on the sidewalk, not feeling exposed or nervous, not keeping your eyes down, not worrying about being the only woman at a bar or restaurant at night.

It was great.

TV Heroines

I am currently addicted to two dramas on Japanese tv. right now. I am watching the morning drama on NHK (kind of like our PBS) about a Japanese/American woman teaching English in Japan. It is incredibly hokey, but interesting, nonetheless. (NIHK doesn't allow any sex, kissing, erotic hugging, etc. in its programs, so, although the main character is engaged, she only lightly hugs the guy. I keep thinking about those the separate beds for the Cleavers)

I am also watching a nighttime drama (which has kissing and hugging) about a former biker gang woman who gets a job at a restaurant.

Now, these two heroine are on shows for extremely different demographics (the English teacher show is for housewives, the ex-biker is for the 20 something gang), come from different backgrounds, and are in extremely different situations. However, the "ideal" femininity they are showing is surprisingly similar.

Both heroines are not "beautiful" in a sexy sense. They are both very attractive, but have very short hair, wear modest clothing, and are more "cute" than "gorgeous." Both seem to put on this false cheerfulness/smile when things are going bad for them. Both have a "teasing" relationship with the man who is/will be their main love interest where he scolds or disparages her and she just smiles and makes light of it.

While the English teacher is supposedly American, the ex-biker is Japanese, however both of them exhibit a kind of naivete about relationships and romantic feelings and the expressing of feelings to romantic partners that makes them seem much younger than they are. Both heroines are ignorant of the fact that two or more male characters in their respective shows are in love with them.

Paradoxically, the two heroines always are helping the people around them express their true feelings and resolve problems.

Very interesting. So, to be the "ideal" woman for Naoto, I should cut my hair, be oblivious to any romantic/sexual feelings, but help him express his feelings and be true to himself, be cheerful all the time, and not care if he makes disparaging remarks because that is how he shows he loves me.

Hmm, sounds too hard for me. I think I will just stick with expressing my own feelings, teasing him back, shoulder-length hair, and being a *itch when things go wrong.

Love and light,

Kirsten

P.S. This woman on the left in the picture is Sandre, another American English teacher at Josai University. Isn't Mia cute in her sun glasses?

Click on the picture to enlarge

Date: Thu, 22 Aug 2002 01:58:37 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: A Crush and Bonnetted Old Ladies

Dear Friends and Family:

Well, my mother just left us to go back to Pleasanton, California. She was our "guest" guinea pig. That means she had to go to places we weren't exactly sure were interesting or not, etc. etc. She was a very good sport.

She also took lots of pictures and put them up on a web album. So, instead of sending a photo, I thought I'd just include the URL. Probably many of you have it already. There's some great pictures of Mia and some unflattering pictures of my hair. Oh well.

http://community.webshots.com/album/47848091IkVnSc

A Crush

I spoke before about my addiction to the morning drama on NHK (the PBS of Japan). Now, I must admit, I have a crush on the male lead, Mr. Katsuragi. He is the son of a famous Japanese conductor and spent lots of time in the States (not on the tv, in real life.) He isn't gorgeous or anything (if you want to take a peek, take a look at: http://www.nhk.or.jp/asadora/topics/int.html (he is the guy with his arms folded  on the right)

I guess what gets me is when he does all these Japanese body language moves in the show. He is an excellent physical actor in a way that would be underappreciated in the U.S. because we just don't have the equivalent.

For example:

He is in love with the main character, but he isn't admitting it to himself yet. He is sitting at his desk in the teacher's room of the school where he and the main character both work. He is looking worried about her because she is absent from school. Another teacher comes up and stands close to him, looking at him quizzically. Mr. Katsuragi gives a start, then does a little bow to the other teacher, looking embarrassed. The other teacher raises an eyebrow and peers into Mr. Katsuragi's eyes. Mr. Katsuragi does another little bow, stands up, knocks his chair into the other teacher, does a deeper bow, tries to get past the other teacher and ends up having to do even more bowing and wincing. The other teacher finally lets him through with a gesture.

Now, this scene was entirely silent- not dialogue at all. Yet, the audience understood that Mr. katsuragi was worried about the main character. We understood that the other teacher thought something was up with Mr. katsuragi and came over to investigate. Then we understand how little Mr. katsuragi understands about his own feelings in his embarrassment and clumsiness. I think in the United States the scene would have gone something like this:

Mr. Katsuragi:  sigh

Other Teacher: Hey, what's up, you seem down.

Mr. Katsuragi: Who, me? No, no, there's nothing wrong.

Other Teacher: Really? You look very preoccupied.

Mr. Katsuragi: No, I'm fine. Well, if you will excuse me... oops! sorry

Other Teacher: It's okay, um please, go ahead

Very interesting cultural difference, if you ask me. Anyway, Naoto is always telling me that I want to talk things out too much when he understands without all the verbalizing. Maybe I should try the silence sometimes...................NOT!

Bonnetted Old Ladies

I have said it before a thousand times, and I will say it once again today. The world is held together by Bonnetted old Ladies. (or the cultural equivalent in your country.) In Japan, they actually wear big sun bonnetts and ride mopeds or bicycles. They carry freshly dug up produce in their bicycle baskets or farm implements in giant, bamboo baskets (they've been using for hundreds of years) lashed to their bent backs. They have bowed legs and curved spines from too much work and too little nutrition during World War II. Most of them have lost teeth and don't wear dentures. Their faces are a human map of emotions in wrinkles, moles, and weather-beaten skin.

They are the ones who run funerals when someone dies. They are the ones who watch the neighborhood to make sure everything is okay. They are the ones who grow the vegetables and rice in small, private farms all over Japan.

Naoto and I were walking around 4 this afternoon. We came upon a familiar-looking (although neither Naoto nor I could place her) Bonnetted Old Lady (B.O.L.) on a bicycle on a residential back road. She swung over to our side of the path and started making kissy faces at Mia. "How cute!" she said over and over. Then the B.O.L. reached into her basket and took out two sweet potatoes. "How cute!" she said again as she handed them to Naoto. Naoto was a little nonplussed. I am not sure he is used to B.O.L.'s handing him sweet potatoes just because his daughter is cute. Then the B.O.L. took off without any explanation.

Oh, another thing about B.O.L.'s in Japan. They have lived through the war, the occupation, the raising of children single-handedly (no husbands help from that generation) the making of thousands of meals, the sweeping of many floors, and I don't think they really give a hoot now what anyone thinks of them. They cut in lines, and they take up too much space on trains, and they dye their hair purple to match their kimonos. They are awesome.

love and light,

kirsten

Date: Wed, 28 Aug 2002 01:23:52 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: Ex-Pats and Hair salons

Friends and Family:

Mia crawled!!! Yeah, its about time. She came slowly to large motor development, but she can pick up tiny pieces of paper or egg and manuever them (mostly) into her mouth as of weeks ago.

Our garden is giving us the last of its produce: eggplants, daikon radishes, and tomatoes. We actually had a cucumber today. I was so excited.

For those Star Trek fans (closet or out) I just wanted to say that Wil Wheaton has a fairly funny website. He has a lot of self-deprecating humor and is also an activist for civil rights. He is not at all Wesley anymore. (wilwheaton.net)

My vacation is almost over (sniff.) I start work again next week. No classes, but interminable and insistent meetings are on my agenda. Actually, I don't think I have any baseball boys classes this semester. However, I do have to teach Grammar, which I HATE. (I'm a saggitarius, by golly, we don't sweat the small stuff.0

Ex-Pats: I knew this guy named Pat once (just kidding). I just wanted to mention the fairly interesting phenomenon known as the Ex-patriate community. I don't know how it is in other countries, but in Japan there is a fairly extensive network providing information, services, and support. I participate in the "Married to a Japanese Male" and the "Living in Tokyo with Kids" online communities. These two communities have been more helpful vis a vis finding cheap diapers, learning about formula, understanding childcare, then any of Naoto's friends or family. They have even pointed us towards cheap hotels in Kyoto when Naoto's hours-long search came up with nothing.

There is this whole layer of subculture most japanese don't even know exist. It's weird. When you hang out with them you can use occasional japanese words and be understood. The other mothers in the "married to a japanese male" group are in a weird way the people closest to being able to understand who I am and the major life choices I made, as well as my every day reality of living with a Japanese man, having a Japanese mother-in-law, etc. etc.

There is the instant acceptance and shared cultural knowledge between any two Ex-Pats, be they Canadian, American, British, or Australian. (non-English countries are another kettle of fish entirely.)

Of course Ex-Pats come in all shapes and sizes: lifer who couldn't live outside of Japan anymore, bitter geek, short-termer English prostitute teacher, geeky guy here to get a woman, academic history buff, foreign wife/husband, enthusiastic studier of pottery or (insert Japanese martial art) etc. etc. (can you guess which ones I identify with?)

Hair Salons:

If I had one wish for the world, it would be that everyone could have an experience at a Japanese hair salon.

You laugh. Kirsten, recommending people go to a hair salon? Are pigs flying or something?

No, really, it's quite an experience. First of all, salons are divided into "men haircut places" and "women's haircut places." Women don't go to the barbers at the "men haircut places," but men do go to the women's haircut places. The Women's haircut salons are incredible.

First, everyone yells out "welcome" when you come in the door. Then, you get shampooed and have a head rub at the same time. After they finish rubbing your head, you sit up and everyone says, "nice work" (not to the hair dresser, to YOU). You are ushered to a seat and are offered tea (sometimes) or coffee. After the whole cutting part, you get a shoulder and head massage. Then a hot towel, and then the blow dry.

Did I mention that Japanese hair dressers- male and female- are about some of the most stylish people on the face of the earth?

Of course I can only afford to get my hair cut once in a while because it is ungodly expensive. However, it is an experience I cherish.

hope all is well. Here's a picture of Mia with our produce. By the way, Naoto's decided to shave his head. Don't freak out when you see a picture.

kirsten

Click on the picture to enlarge

More emails from Kirsten & Naoto