Emails from Kirsten and Naoto
April 2002

Date: Tue, 2 Apr 2002 15:54:04 -0800 (PST)
Subject: hello from japan

 Dear friends and family:

Hi there, no I am not officially online yet, I am borrowing my office mates computer to type this. I am still getting used to a Japanese keyboard, so please excuse my typos.

Naoto and I are still alive! We have had quite a time actually moving here. The flight over was not too bad. There was a pregnant woman sitting in our row, but Naoto complained to the stewardess about all the empty seats on the plane, and she got moved. I really identified with her, though.

Naoto`s parents picked us up from the airport and took us to the faculty lodge to stay. I thought we would stay for only a few days, but it turned into weeks! I can`t even begin to tell you how much trouble we had. First of all, the university doesn`t have a contract for me yet, which means I didn:t have proof of employment, which means I couldn`t get an apartment, which means I couldn`t register myself as a forienger living in Togane. However, if you don`t register, background checking companies can`t check up on you. You can see the vicious cycle we entered into.

Anyway, with a bunch of phone calls to various university-related people, we managed finally to get the real estate office to believe that I am fairly trustworthy. As Naoto`s parents decided to help us with rent, we managed to get at HUGE three bedroom, kitchen, dining room, japanese traditional room two story house within 10 minutes walking of the school. I am very pleased, as you might imagine. We live right next to the train tracks, but as there are few trains and only four cars in the train anyway, it isn`t that bothersome. Mia sleeps right through it. I walk through huge rice fields on my way to work, go to sleep to the sound of frogs singing, and wake up to the inquisitive call of the japanese nightengale. It`s great.

My classes start on April 15th. However, due to some important person getting cancer, and a very busy school chancellor, I don:t have a contract, I don`t know how much my salary is, and I don`t have a computer at school with which to do work. Its all very unsettling. I am sure they will give me a contract and hire me, but you would think they could at least tell me my salary before classes start!

In Mia news, she is currently eating sweetpeas, banana, and drinking prune juice. she can roll over onto her stomach with a little help. If her arm stays stuck under her tummy when she rolls, she can roll back onto her back with no help. If she pulls her arm out, she is stuck forever.

Well, that should tide everyone over until our home computer arrives and naoto manages to set up our internet.

love and light
Kirsten Lincoln

Date: Thu, 4 Apr 2002 15:14:53 -0800 (PST)
Subject: Living in Japan 4/5: Talking Heaters and Variations on a Name

Dear Loved Ones

: Hello, I am officially (albeit iffy) online. Naoto managed to get us connected to a dial-up service (slow slow slow) after being dissapointed by the fact that NO DSL line comes out to Gumyo. Did I tell you we live in the sticks?

Observations on Japan: Talking Heaters and Variations on a Name

Talking Heaters:

Okay, here's my pop psychology idea for the week. I think that Japanese people are so used to living in overcrowded conditions that they are uneasy being alone. As being alone is unavoidable in places like the shower and the toilet, smart manufacturers are adding "voices" to products in those rooms to make people feel less lonely. For example, my bathtub heater (which is gas and only heats the water you are using, not like American water-heaters) "talks" when you turn it on or change the temperature. It doesn't say anything mind-boggling, just "The heater is on" and "the temperature is changing". Now why I would need vocal confirmation that I have actually turned on the heater, I don't know. My guess is that it is reassuring to lonely Japanese people.

Variations on a Name:

So my office partner at school is a woman named Kristen Collins. Apparently we were chosen to be together because of our names. They were afraid that if we were in different offices, our students would get all confused and go to the wrong office. I can just imagine a conversation between two undergrads:

"Hey, do you know where Ka- ah, Ku-, ah Ku-ri-su-ten-sensei's office is?"

"Yeah, it's room 311"

Then they come to 311 and its the wrong ka-ku-kuristen. We both also have shoulder length brown hair, brown eyes, and are the same height and weight approximately. You can see how students might get confused.

Well that's all for now.

love and light, kirsten

Click to enlarge picture.

Date: Tue, 9 Apr 2002 16:58:23 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: interesting info about space shuttles and horses` rear ends

Dear Family:

I am sorry, I don:t usually send on jokes and information like this, but I couldn:t resist. With all Naoto`s and my frustrations with the Japanese bureaucracy, this seemed to kind of lend itself to a laugh on my part. I think sometimes the Japanese system is based on practices just as ancient as described below.

Anyway, Naoto and I are again butting heads with the university system. It seems that I can get an `allowance` for my dependents (naoto and mia) if I can be teh designated `breadwinner` (setai nushi) of the family. However, after Naoto biked to the city hall in the rain, he found out that foriengers can`t be designated `bread winner` because we aren`t on the family registry. The fact that they won`t put my name on the family registry (which is of the same importance here as a social security number in the states) is causing lots of problems. So bureaucratically speaking, Naoto has no wife and Mia has no mother! That makes Mia eligible for certain kinds of welfare, but it makes things really difficult in the meantime! I am almost half afraid some social worker is going to come by and see how the single dad is taking care of his child.

kirsten

  The US standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 i nches. That's an exceedingly odd number. Why was that gauge used? Because that's the way they built them in England, and English expatriates built the US Railroads.

Why did the English build them like that? Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that's the gauge they used.

Why did "they" use that gauge then? Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing.

Why did the wagons have that particular odd wheel spacing? Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels would break on some of the old , long distance roads in England, because that's the spacing of the wheel ruts.

So who built those old rutted roads? Imperial Rome built the first long distance roads in Europe (and England) for their legions. The roads have been used ever since.

And the ruts in the roads?

Roman war chariots formed the initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagon wheels. The Romans being an efficient, thoroughly bureaucratized lot, their chariots all had the same wheel base. The United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches is thus derived from the original specifications for an Imperial Roman war chariot. And the Imperial Roman war chariots, in turn, were made just wide enough to accommodate the back ends of two war horses.

The story goes a bit further. When you see a Space Shuttle sitting on its la unch pad, there are two big booster rockets attached to the sides of the mai n fuel tank. These are solid rocket boosters, or SRB's. The SRB's are made by Thiokol at their factory in Utah. The engineers who designed the SRB's would have preferred t o make them a bit fatter, but the SRB's had to be shipped by train from the factory to the launch site. The railroad line from the factory happens to run through a tunnel in the mountains. The SRB's had to fit through that tunnel. The tunnel is slightly wider than the track, and the railroad track, as you now know, is about as wide as a Roman chariot. In short, a major Space Shuttle design feature of what is arguably the world 's most advanced transportation system was determined by a two-thousand-year -old horse's ass.

So the next time your boss tells you to do something his way, show a little respect.

Date: Wed, 10 Apr 2002 03:24:57 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: Living in Japan: Cult of Mizuta and Messages from my Laundry Basket

Dear Family:

Hi there. I don't have a contract yet, but they did tell me my monthly salary. Ouch. We are going to be soo poor. I am going to have to learn how to be poor again.

Anyway, things are going a little bit better these days. Naoto, Mia, and I are getting into a rhythm. She is eating sweet potatoes this week, and blowing raspberries all the time. Naoto's mother and brother came to help us get our (used) couch and a double/single bed (whatever that means). I included a picture of them helping to set up the bed in one of our upstairs rooms.

Cult of Mizuta:

I am constantly learning about the family that started Josai. It is very interesting, and it seems more cult-like every day. Not only does the 95 year old Chancellor have to personally approve every expense (meaning that the 30 some teachers that started this April with me all don't have computers on which to write their required syllabuses until a month from when classes start), but she also makes us sign this contract stating basically:

I will not be a political agitator.

I will do things the university way no matter what.

I will teach what the university wants me to teach in the way they want me to teach it.

I will not tell anyone I work at Josai if I am caught doing something illegal.

Isn't that great? Also, did I mention the gate guard does a military salute when you leave?

Messages from my Laundry Basket:

Japanese merchandisers think its great to have little messages in English written on everything. I can't begin to tell you how many hours of pleasure the mixed up and often grammatically strange results have afforded me. Here is an example from my laundry basket. I think its on cocaine. (or at least I would have to be to understand the meaning of the message and its connection with laundry)

For the quality nature club Let's enjoy in your room

Anyway, I hope all is well with y'all. Sorry for such a long letter.

Kirsten

Click to enlarge picture.

Date: Sat, 11 May 2002 03:46:53 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: weird japanese english

hello again. I forgot to include these weird examples of Japanese English in my letter.

On a box of cookies:

ENjoy the superb taste of cake made with the finest ingredients. Beautiful things are timeless. Women throughout history have never ceased to yearn for beauty.

(because of course women don't yearn for cookies.)

ON a bag of japanese snack senbei and peanuts:

Let's have joyful talking with FRESH BEANS. Every time and every where, it's so delicious. Best of the world. FRESH PACK!

(because one can't have joyful talking without FRESH BEANS!)

love and light,

kirsten

Date: Fri, 19 Apr 2002 16:38:19 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: Mighty Morphin Mosquitoes and Gumyo Wind

Dear Friends and Family:

How are you? Things have certainly become busy here with classes starting last Monday. I also finally have a contract! Yeah!

I am teaching two reading classes (which I like), two general conversation classes (all male, surly, baseball players, even I’m bored) and a Speaking and Listening class with 40 people in it. It’s certainly going to be a challenge for me in ways different from the challenges I had in San Francisco.

In Mia news, she is starting to play a "drop the toy on purpose" game. However, I think she has inherited my independence because she still gets upset if you try to pick it up for her. She would rather be held over the toy and try to pick it up herself. She is getting better at sitting, but is still helpless if she rolls onto her tummy. Oh yeah, she also discovered her feet recently. Now socks stay on for about ten seconds.

She continues to be VERY popular at school. Apparently, I get along with this one person in the personnel department that no one else gets along with. I think it is due to the fact that I brought Mia in a few times (so I could look pitiful) when I was asking for her help.

Mighty Morphin Mosquitoes

Did I tell you our house is in the middle of rice fields? Well, guess what happens to rice fields in spring. They get flooded. And yes, it is mosquito heaven. I wouldn’t mind so much (because they are nowhere near as large and scary as Minnesota or Michigan mosquitoes. ) except for the fact that they seem to have the power to morph through walls. We shut all our windows, are careful when we go in and out, and they still manage to get in somehow. Every morning I wake up and kill about three, leaving smears on the wall paper. Poor Mia. I worry about her being bitten all the time.

Gumyo Wind

Two days ago we had a day of Gumyo Wind. I’m not talking about just a little breeze dancing through your hair, I ‘m talking about an honest to goodness mary-poppins-flying-around kind of wind. It is SOOOOO strong. It howls around our windows during the day when Mia is trying to sleep. It rattles our metal window covers. At school, sometimes it is hard to open the classroom doors because of a wind tunnel effect in the hallways. It actually is dangerous to ride a bike because of the danger of tipping over. And, all the female teachers walk around all day with mussed hair. It truly is unbelievable.

Anyway, here’s a picture of Mia stuck on her tummy.

Love and light,

Kirsten

Click on picture to enlarge.

Date: Mon, 22 Apr 2002 03:11:15 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: warning: semi nude Mia picture

Dear Friends and Family:

Mia has discovered her feet! She spends most of her day now in this position, it is very cute. I just had to share it with everyone.

Coming home to her is really the high point of my day, now! Naoto is encountering Japan's preconceived notions about Men and their work, but I don't think it bothers him that much. (for example, he applied for a grocery store card, and when they told him to fill out the "work" portion, he said he had no work. Then he saw that there was a "housewife" portion. He asked to fill that out instead and they refused.)

I like half my classes pretty well. Unfortunately, I have one communication-based class that is entirely composed of surly, first year students. They are driving me up the wall, truly. It's like pulling teeth. I feel like a dentist most of the time.

Living in a house, though, is wonderful. Even if its a rental, its great to have your own space.

I hope all is well with you.

kirsten

Click on picture to enlarge.

Date: Wed, 24 Apr 2002 01:03:31 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: our house! Our house! our house!

Pictures of our house! I told you it was near the railway tracks.

Also: written on a package of chocolate cookies:

Petit Chocolate is a cute, little chocolate cake that neatly fits in palm of your hands

(because I choose my cookies by how well they fit in my hand, not by taste.)

kirsten

Click on picture to enlarge.

Click on picture to enlarge

More emails from Kirsten & Naoto